Wednesday, July 28, 2004
..MeaninGless.. *hurTz* ..HElpleSs...
Life has becoming so meaningless for me now... School Suckz... Wake up early in the morning, go school, then back home, dinner, TV, then online blog-blog, after that... sleep.... It has already becoming a daily routine for me... I'm very tired of it... *hUrtz*
Still coughing a lot... will it heal? I've no idea... will my heart heal? I'm not sure... mayBe...maybe not... I hope so...
Heaven's crying now, so is my heart, so am I... just cried... it has been a long time since i really cry my heart out... hid under my blanket with my "tetty bear tetty bear" (it was a gift from Lionel), cried for like an hour plus... feeling very sad still...
*huRtz*
It all started with a small joke... just a little joke... I couldn't take it... It's my fault... I've hurt him, in the end, I got hurt myself too... I got jealous too easily... I'm sorry... I got angry too easily... I'm sorry... I throw my temper at you... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
*huRtZ*
Feeling so helpless now... what should I do? How should I carry on from now? Guess nobody can help me... nobody try to understand...
Mom still treat me like as if I'm still a little kid... Everything I cant do... I've grown up, I've my own thinking, what i wanna do... why does she control every moment of mine?
My relationship with Sunny? I'm such failure in it... I fail in every relationship I had... TooK Lionel for granted... demanded so much from him... and hurt him so deeply in the end...
Now.... I'm beginning to take Sunny for granted too... why don't I ever learn? Why am i always taking people for granted?
*HurTz*
I still love Sunny.. although he doesn't really have many many good points to be listed... But, I don't know why... Hmmm, Love needs no reason ya? But.. I really don't know how to move on from here... from now... Haiz... I've lOst all hOpEs... Hopelessly Helpless.........
*HuRtz*
"THankZ Kun|yO!!! For giving me advices yesterday... For telling me so many good points Sunny had... For telling me not to give up on the 10 months relationship we had, cos it's not easy... For being there for me when i was totally helpless... THankz GirL..."
If not for her.. I think i would have gave up on everything, and wouldn't even be bothered to blog in now.... yup... She's a greaT friend... She really is.....
Yup... It's not easy to maintain a relationship... I still cant... Maybe I'm still acting like a child ba.. I've not grown up yet maybe... or tHat i'm not ReaDy for a relationShip yet... MaYbe Sunny & I got into the relationship too "faSt-ly"? Maybe wE're both not ready for it yet...
"Saw you for the very First time during "Egg Factor', liked you... tried means to get to know you... Went out together for movies in a big group,slowly reducing to two of us only... went to Westmall, to JE, to chinese garden for walk... gave you the first present - 2 pairs of Precious Moments chopsticks.. trying to tell you that i wanna eat every meals with you together, forever... you gave me bracelet, saying that we will not be seperated, just like the two dolphins... went to West Coast Park on 27Sep2003 - a day i will never ever forget... Countdown to Yr2004 together @ K-Box... Went to Expo for Disney on Ice... Prepared dinnEr together wheN your parents were on Holiday... Sushi dinneR after wE qUarreL on the anniverSary... Celebrating your birthday, steamboat at marina... sudden alarm suprise on my handphone on 27jun anniversary... Walks to Jurong Point everytime... BIG BIG TIGHT TIGHT hugs after my every cry and our quarrels... How you washed my hair for the first time... hoW i wAsh your haIr for you... sWimmiNgs during the holiday... cooking maggi late at night together... Quietly accompany me rebond my hair, no complains... Allowing me to join In YoUr tennis session with frenz...So many niCe things... SweEt memOries.... althougH wE stayEd aT home most of the time... but, I'm happy le... ThAnkz foR aLL thoSe swEet mEmoriEs!! I remembered all of them... and will always remember them.... always.....
I LOVE YOU!!!"
Still coughing a lot... will it heal? I've no idea... will my heart heal? I'm not sure... mayBe...maybe not... I hope so...
Heaven's crying now, so is my heart, so am I... just cried... it has been a long time since i really cry my heart out... hid under my blanket with my "tetty bear tetty bear" (it was a gift from Lionel), cried for like an hour plus... feeling very sad still...
*huRtz*
It all started with a small joke... just a little joke... I couldn't take it... It's my fault... I've hurt him, in the end, I got hurt myself too... I got jealous too easily... I'm sorry... I got angry too easily... I'm sorry... I throw my temper at you... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
*huRtZ*
Feeling so helpless now... what should I do? How should I carry on from now? Guess nobody can help me... nobody try to understand...
Mom still treat me like as if I'm still a little kid... Everything I cant do... I've grown up, I've my own thinking, what i wanna do... why does she control every moment of mine?
My relationship with Sunny? I'm such failure in it... I fail in every relationship I had... TooK Lionel for granted... demanded so much from him... and hurt him so deeply in the end...
Now.... I'm beginning to take Sunny for granted too... why don't I ever learn? Why am i always taking people for granted?
*HurTz*
I still love Sunny.. although he doesn't really have many many good points to be listed... But, I don't know why... Hmmm, Love needs no reason ya? But.. I really don't know how to move on from here... from now... Haiz... I've lOst all hOpEs... Hopelessly Helpless.........
*HuRtz*
"THankZ Kun|yO!!! For giving me advices yesterday... For telling me so many good points Sunny had... For telling me not to give up on the 10 months relationship we had, cos it's not easy... For being there for me when i was totally helpless... THankz GirL..."
If not for her.. I think i would have gave up on everything, and wouldn't even be bothered to blog in now.... yup... She's a greaT friend... She really is.....
Yup... It's not easy to maintain a relationship... I still cant... Maybe I'm still acting like a child ba.. I've not grown up yet maybe... or tHat i'm not ReaDy for a relationShip yet... MaYbe Sunny & I got into the relationship too "faSt-ly"? Maybe wE're both not ready for it yet...
"Saw you for the very First time during "Egg Factor', liked you... tried means to get to know you... Went out together for movies in a big group,slowly reducing to two of us only... went to Westmall, to JE, to chinese garden for walk... gave you the first present - 2 pairs of Precious Moments chopsticks.. trying to tell you that i wanna eat every meals with you together, forever... you gave me bracelet, saying that we will not be seperated, just like the two dolphins... went to West Coast Park on 27Sep2003 - a day i will never ever forget... Countdown to Yr2004 together @ K-Box... Went to Expo for Disney on Ice... Prepared dinnEr together wheN your parents were on Holiday... Sushi dinneR after wE qUarreL on the anniverSary... Celebrating your birthday, steamboat at marina... sudden alarm suprise on my handphone on 27jun anniversary... Walks to Jurong Point everytime... BIG BIG TIGHT TIGHT hugs after my every cry and our quarrels... How you washed my hair for the first time... hoW i wAsh your haIr for you... sWimmiNgs during the holiday... cooking maggi late at night together... Quietly accompany me rebond my hair, no complains... Allowing me to join In YoUr tennis session with frenz...So many niCe things... SweEt memOries.... althougH wE stayEd aT home most of the time... but, I'm happy le... ThAnkz foR aLL thoSe swEet mEmoriEs!! I remembered all of them... and will always remember them.... always.....
I LOVE YOU!!!"
